Moving on

Yesterday I served my resignation to the City of St Cloud, where I have worked for the past 8 years. It is a bittersweet event as I look forward to my new opportunity and also contemplate missing the people with whom I've worked so closely. It's nice to move on, yet it's sad to leave.

My dear SiC (Sister in Christ) emailed me a comment that has been sticking with me. She said "Isn't it amazing to think we know what we want and then God gives us what we need!!!" It made me think about searching for things that we think we want or need (of course, in our country *everything* is a *need*). Over the past 8 years, there have been times where I thought I needed a new job, and every opportunity I came across turned out not to work for one reason or another. Typically it has been obvious that I was where I was supposed to be, and even when I refused to admit that it was clear to stay where I was and really pushed the issue, my efforts were frustrated and made impossible. Thank God for protecting me from myself!

But I started thinking about how this principle relates to everything in life. I think that we seek joy and happiness, only to be frustrated and left wanting. I think of the artist who seeks joy in things, only to find depression and anguish in their art. It's as if, by continually examining their state of being so closely, they are always left short of what they seek with it never being enough. I can attest to this fact, having spent years as a musician seeking to make the "big time," assuming that would bring my happiness and never achieving either. The paradox seems to hold true - seeking what I think I need leads to frustration and just the opposite.

So where does that leave me? I would suggest that one of the problems in seeking my happiness or my job or my [insert desire here] lies in the balance of all. Focusing too hard on my happiness keeps me from focusing on the things that really bring it. I start to miss the things that God has brought into my life for my good and His glory - so I miss His glory and the good thing! Focusing too hard on my job keeps me from seeing the opportunities He has given me where I am.

If you look at the night sky, especially in the more urban areas, you may notice a number of stars that you can only see if you don't look directly at them. I don't know what scientific reason there is for that, but I think it's a good example of how I should be living my life. I want to look for the stars, but not so intently that I can't see them.

And, for all my reasoning I end up going back to faith. No matter what analogy I give, I find that the only real path to my happiness and contentment (which I prefer to happiness, actually) comes in Jesus' words, "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." Instead of seeking a job, or happiness, or joy, seek the Kingdom in Jesus Christ, and everything I need will be given. Not to mention it will always be way better than anything I could have planned anyway...